learning how to live in a chronically online world
Vile comments, disgusting DMs, never-ending-doomscrolling…
How did we get here?
The list of reasons why social media and the internet are damaging and dangerous is long. I don’t think there’s a need to rehash them here.
I do think we need more discussion around: how do we co-exist with these inventions? How can we get the best out of them and mitigate the worst?
Is that even possible?
The goal of this newsletter is to help us learn how to be resilient. That liminal space between bending-but-not-breaking. And in today’s world, social media - the internet - it’s not going anywhere.
So what does it look like to be resilient in a world that tempts us to be chronically online? How do we go about cultivating an Online Presence without sacrificing our Actual Presence?
It’s a fine line, no doubt. And I would never admit that I’m an expert in this when I’m still trying to figure this out for myself.
But I also feel the need to add to this discussion because being “chronically online” is a large part of the problem. We need to balance touching screens with touching grass.
So here’s my attempt at helping us be a little more resilient against the alluring forces of online trolls and 24/7 content:
Use app-blockers like Opal and set time limits for yourself. Yes, even if you ‘snooze’ or ‘take a break’ (often) you’ll at least be more exposed to data that shows you just how often you pick up your phone and spend time looking at a screen. Data doesn’t lie and what gets measured, gets managed.
Set goals for your social media. Creating is often better than consuming - it distracts you and forces you to be more intentional with how you’re using the Internet. For me, that looks like utilizing my social media channels for things I’m passionate about or leveraging them for my career as an IP attorney. Think less of building a following and more about just sharing your passions and interests.
Create your own commenting boundaries. For comments or messages that are extremely vile or rude, I think the best course of action is just to report, block, delete, and ignore. But it’s worth taking a few minutes to consider what kinds of comments or topics you’re willing to respond to. Once you’ve decided - don’t budge.
Don’t feed into online hate or infantile debates. If you don’t know the person or you have very little understanding of a topic - move on. We’re all guilty of this, it’s so easy to contribute to conversations we know nothing about. But keep scrolling. If you don’t have a person’s phone number or you’re not close enough to where they’d ask for your opinion on something, then that’s probably not the best opportunity for you to share. Can you? Sure. Should you? …
Anytime you feel ‘influenced’ to buy or do something - add it to a list. Wait until the end of the week or month to review said list and decide if you still want to do or buy that thing. Social media is insidious with its ability to encourage overconsumption. It is not normal to go on trips, buy luxury, and go out to eat at swanky restaurants every day or even every week. So just add things to your list and if you still want to do or buy something after giving yourself space to reflect on it, then carry on.
Leave your phone in another room when you go to sleep. Seriously.
If you post frequently, schedule content out so you don’t get too tempted into scrolling after posting.
Perhaps I shouldn’t have a say on this one since I don’t have kids but I’m going to say this anyways: please don’t allow your kids to have social media until they’re in high school AT THE LEAST. Quite frankly, I think parents would be justified in waiting until after high school. Yes, your kids will probably feel left out or out of the loop - this is where you encourage them to CALL people, TALK to friends, MAKE PLANS that exist off of the Internet. They may not realize it at the time but I have a gut feeling they’ll thank you for it later.
Those are the best tips and practices I can think of that force us all to stop for a moment and reflect on our behavior. And keep in mind: sometimes NOT engaging with something online is more about protecting your own personal peace and conscience than it is about curtailing your opinions or protecting other’s feelings.
Like I said, social media and the internet aren’t going anywhere anytime soon. The sooner we can start reclaiming authority over our attention spans and incorporating agency in our online decisions, the better.