Maybe we don’t yearn for the void but it certainly seems to yearn for us…
When I say ‘the void,’ I mean those moments in life where we’re faced with temptations, obstacles, and challenges. Existential moments where we’re forced to turn inward.
It’s usually the same moment where we begin asking questions like:
Why am I here?
What am I doing?
What does any of this mean?
How am I supposed to be doing this?
Instead of facing those questions and attempting to answer them - we usually run away. I mean, to be fair, those are heavy questions. And we live in a world where it feels like we have to have perfect, organized, and succinct answers to each of them.
But there’s freedom in finding out that your answer doesn’t have to be perfect. It can be messy and long-winded. Sometimes life is like that.
From my very limited and biased experiences, I think the key is to just answer them as best you can. And to try and be open to changing them when it feels necessary.
I say “be open to changing” because my brain resists change. But that’s my own void to face. I don’t believe that our answers to the above questions should necessarily stay the same always.
And I feel like a hypocrite speaking on this as I’ve been facing an intense void of my own for the past week or so. In this particular season, I’ve been tempted to just throw in the towel, settle in every area of my life, and spend my life in a perpetual pity party.
But step-by-step, I try and combat it. Instead of resisting the void by running from it and finding some superficial shelter to settle for, I’ve been trying to actively look into that black abyss.
For me, that looks like going for a workout after 2 days of rotting. Me-five-years-ago would have let myself rot for weeks more.
It’s looked like journaling about my insecurities and weaknesses - the not-so-nice parts of myself - and being really honest. Me-five-years-ago would have just cried over them to deflect from actually doing the work.
It’s looked like resisting the usual numbing mechanisms like alcohol or emotional eating and sitting with the uncomfortable feelings. Me-five-years-ago would have just poured a glass of wine and eaten a whole carton of ice cream.
Leaning into suffering and trying to better understand it instead of masking, numbing, and running from it has been helpful. Hell, sometimes all I can do is just feel it & let it pass.
I’m also aware that intellectualizing every feeling can also be counterproductive at times.
Regardless, facing the void is hard.
But remember that my definition of resilience is “the liminal space between bending and breaking.”
And this is how you find that space.
I think a lot of fear we have about ‘the void’ is of emptiness. Nothingness. Just a random dark space with nothing of value in it. But the beauty of the void is just that:
a random dark space with nothing of value in it.
It sits there waiting for us to fill it with value.
To fill it with light.
To fill it with beauty.
But that can only happen when we face it.
So put your lifejacket on, tie a life-line around your waist to your loved ones & counselors and dive in.
[I do want to add that we proceed with caution. As someone who’s been facing a lot of hopeless thoughts lately, I think it’s important to share: there is hope. You are not alone. Please don’t force yourself to go through this alone.
Being in the void and learning what we need to do during times of suffering to get ourselves out can help build resilience. But none of us are an island - go to trusted friends or counselors or spiritual directors & be honest about your experience.]
*If you’ve been feeling alone or hopeless, please know that there are people waiting for your call - they want to help you. You are not alone. Please call 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (available 24/7) - help is available.*
Rapid Fire Resilience Interview No. 7 - Marcus Frick
Can you share a moment in your life where you became a more resilient person - if not immediately in that moment, then in hindsight?
2 years living in rural Zambia as a Peace Corps Volunteer. In addition to the lack of running water and electricity, I was the only American for a 20-mile radius and only a handful of people in the village spoke English. A lonely time, to say the least.
Based on the story you shared previously, what was it specifically about that experience that cultivated resilience?
Being forced to create meaning every day. Because it was such a solitary experience, I could've spent 12 hours/day reading books and sunbathing. There weren't the distractions of social media, Netflix, or going out with friends. Just me and a blank canvas every morning when I woke up.
What would you advise to someone who is facing a similar situation?
Lean in to the struggle. Don't self-medicate with distraction. If you feel a void, you're going to accomplish much more by looking internally and living a thoughtful response to the void than you are by distracting yourself from the pain.
Resilience Takeaway:
“Lean in to the struggle. Don't self-medicate with distraction.”
Marcus Frick is an executive coach “interested in building a world where you only see your doctor for a routine physical. Where you don’t end up with heart disease, diabetes, and cancer as a result of decades of unhealthy habits.” He has recently re-launched his newsletter, 66point1 - a newsletter helping people build their health & reclaim freedom. Check it out: 66point1.com
My Top 3 Recommendations - Facing-the-Void Edition
Moleskine Classic Notebook*
Off-and-on, I’ve been working through some shadow-work prompts. If you haven’t heard of this, shadow-work is where we attempt to connect with and understand our subconscious a little more. Carl Jung nicknamed this concept as such because he believed we repress experiences or parts of ourselves we don’t like to address. Sometimes, facing the “void” might also mean facing ourselves - and journaling those thoughts & experiences onto paper, I’ve found to be incredibly helpful.
100+ Deep Shadow Work Prompts To Accept Yourself And Move Forward
This is the list of prompts I use for shadow work; plus, it helps to get into journaling consistently when there’s a list of prompts and inspiration. I highly recommend printing this out or copying-and-pasting the list into a Note on your iPhone so you can keep up as you go down the list.
9Lives Podcast - S1E13 “People don’t hate you, they hate themselves. How to stop caring about what others think of you.”
9Lives is my new favorite podcast hosted by one of my role models, Cassia Tierney Clarke, founder of 444Coaching. In this episode she discusses how reflecting on her ego, higher self, and shadow self has helped counter other people’s projections and pursue the life she’s always wanted. I find these concepts helpful for reflecting and trying to understand myself more. I highly recommend this episode (plus every episode I’ve listened to so far, I’m almost done with Season 1).
*Any links to products on Amazon are a part of the Amazon Associates program. Any product I list is one I enjoy myself and have chosen to share here.